Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
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