I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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