everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
