She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
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