Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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