I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
