so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
