You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
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