I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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