just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
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