I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Randomize
