Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize
