mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
