Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
