do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
