i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Randomize
