New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize