dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Randomize
