And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
