Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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