You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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