I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
