your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
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