Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
