I got chris browned last night
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
