haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
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