you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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