I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
