but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
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