After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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