we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
