omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
