how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
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Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
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And then the night went full on bisexual.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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