Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
