Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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