How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I don't think brook has ever known best
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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