I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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