hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
