Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Damn victory sex feels great
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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