Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
