i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
last night I used snow as a chaser
Randomize
