four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Randomize
