Your face is a jimmy john
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
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