My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
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he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
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I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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