I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
