He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
