yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize
