literally had 100 drinks last night.
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
