is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Acid is not a monday night drug
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
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