I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
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