Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Randomize
