i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
