I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
