I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
