you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
