this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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