just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
