Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
