I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
