hell yes lets make some ravioli
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
