You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
